Being Vulnerable

For those that know me personally, I don’t ask others for help. That’s not something I typically do and especially, in my profession as a Licensed Professional Counselor. I’m very independent and resourceful in my daily life. I will figure out and research things endlessly just to avoid having to ask anyone for help. Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it a trauma response? Whatever the case maybe, the ONE thing I know for sure is that certainly was not the case 12 years ago!

Help first started with my medical oncology team when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer at 27 years old in 2010. I remember the Breast Care Advocate at the hospital held my hand as I underwent my first set of biopsies, as I was beyond scared. Help also came in the form of my family, friends, even my two-year old daughter at the time would pray for me and of course, my pets were always a great emotional support.

I was so grateful for having so many affiliations and even more from my former workplaces, churches, universities, mom groups, colleagues, and former classmates ranging from elementary school to college! I will also not fail to mention, Chix 4 a Cause also came through to help me and my family with beautiful gifts, gift cards, and helped fix the family car when it broke down. West Bend Mutual Insurance also raised money for my family and also sponsored my family for Christmas. I learned that my daughter at the time, was the youngest child impacted by cancer in Washington County.

I also had other non-profits locally and nationally to supply weekly pen pals/cards, care packages sent to my home on chemo days, and an endless amount of gift cards for groceries and other necessities for me and my family. In the darkest days of my life, asking for HELP truly meant I was strong and vulnerable. I knew my limits and knew when to self-advocate to support me and my family in such a crucial time.

I also learned to appreciate my loved ones in my life and all the gifts they offered me when I needed it the most. Here’s a quick GLAD Technique (appreciation exercise) it can possibly benefit you when facing a challenge in life, as there’s always something to be thankful for. I’ll share what I appreciated from that time in my life.

G (grateful)- the caring support of loved ones and those in the community

L (learned)-being vulnerable in asking for help is quite brave and strong

A (accomplished)-self-care modalities emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually

D (delight)-in spending lots of mother and daughter time as I was unable to work my jobs

Angelina, two years old in 2010. She excitedly said, “My dreams came true, Mommy.” After a loved one sent a care package gift to our home.

-Rebekah Wolff

Celebrating You

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” I was immediately impacted by the deep meaning of a Chinese Proverb as it stared back at me off my social media newsfeed. As busy as I was that day, I took the time to fully take in the words. Powerful. Thank goodness we don’t have to be pigeonholed by our circumstances or labels society may pin on us! However, when was the last time you felt vulnerable or relaxed in who you are? How many times have we labeled ourselves by who we think we are or what others think of us? Are we a good mom/dad? Am I competent in my job? Am I a good daughter/son? Did I do enough to help others? Did I clean the house well enough? The list can go on! I’m sure you’ve also heard you are not your circumstance. You are not your cancer, you are not your divorce, you are not your bankruptcy, etc. It’s so easy to get caught up in an endless loop of feeling not perfect, not good enough. It’s so easy to do, just turn on the news or watch some advertisements! There are constant reminders telling us our teeth aren’t white enough, our hair isn’t long enough, and we really have to do something about covering up those age spots!

Louise Hay stated perfectly that when one has a disease, it simply means they aren’t at EASE in their body, mind, or soul. Where are you not at EASE? Who are you pretending to be? What are you not living up to? What is society telling you who you have to be? What are you judging yourself for? Are you holding in intense emotions such as guilt, pain, shame, or heartbreak? If so, you are not alone, but you do also have the choice in releasing it just the same. As our country gears up to celebrate the 4th of July, make sure to also celebrate who you truly are. Our country isn’t perfect, but it’s worth celebrating the annual birthday. Same as you, remember to FREE yourself to be who you are meant to be. You deserve the same amount of compassion, pride, and love that we hold for our country. After all, you aren’t perfect either, but you most definitely are worth it.

Rebekah Wolff

Hold Your Head High for Your WHY

What is your why for today? Do your emotions ever take over and trump your why? I know it does with me on some days. However, not today, my why for today is to get this article written so you, dear readers, are able to gain something new. My why may vary, from day to day and I don’t always have the same amount of effort because honestly, life happens. The car may break down, there are deadlines in my career that need to be met, my sleep quality may vary, and kids. Oh yes, kids, I have that also to attend to besides my busy career. Before I know it, the day is almost through and I’d be more than lucky to even get to my why let alone complete my other gazillion daily tasks and several self-cares. However, that doesn’t make me a failure and if you are experiencing something similar, nor does it make you one either!

I could so easily judge myself for failing to complete a laundry list of things, but I remember that I don’t have to be perfect in order to be happy. In fact, I have to remind myself, I can only do my best! If you are going through treatment right now or even post treatment I can’t even imagine what you have on your plate or how you are feeling as you wake up each day. I have been through maybe a similar struggle being a 12 year breast cancer survivor. If I could give you a hug right now, I most definitely would! Life is tough with all the demands in a pandemic world while keeping up with daily responsibilities, personal goals, and CANCER!

My life was impacted as an 8 yo girl shared her some words of wisdom with me recently. Please keep in mind, I’m currently in the professions as a Licensed Professional Counselor (Better Help & Kettle Moraine Counseling ) a Life Coach (www.angelwingscoaching.com) and Author of the book, Dear God, Please Make My Mommy Feel Better (on Amazon), and of course, recently a Blogger– yet, despite all of that I was humbled when she spoke.

Without further ado, her insightful words were, “Even though I am scared, I know I am brave and I can make it through.” You may benefit from reading this affirmation again. We all can relate to being scared in our lives. When you get up you may not know how the day will go. You may be emotionally crippled by fear, sadness, frustration, or anger before you start the day. Remember to hold your head up high and keep moving forward toward your WHY regardless of what you are facing at the moment because you dear one, are simply BRAVE and you CAN get through this.

–Rebekah Wolff, LPC